Ever Wonder WHY?

The happenings of this past week has me wondering about life.

Three young people were taken from this earth. The first thought is to sit and wonder WHY? Why at a young age...why in such a horrific manner? Why not let the parents say goodbye?

Having lost a daughter 14 years ago when she was 19 months I have mixed emotions. I was very distraught over loosing her. I take solice in being able to tell her goodbye. If I had to do it again I would I would not change a thing. I think that babies are gifts to us from our Heavnly Father. We are just "borrowing" them for a time. We hope this time allows us to see them grow up, have a family and grow to be older then we are. You never once think that you will burry them before you. Since our daughter was a gift, while it was not easy, I along with my husband made the easy decision to not put her on life support. She had taught us many lessons and we looked at quality before quantity.

Like my daughter, I truly believe these young people were needed for a much bigger plan. While it has hard to let them go we have to rejoice and know that our kids are where we want to go.

I know at times like these the immediate thought is to turn to prayer. The two car accidents were just that accidents. No amount of prayer could help that. The prayer that is needed is for the family members left behind. As a matter of fact the prayer needs to be for all of those left behind....the prayer needs to be that those left behind can carry on, one day leads to one week, one week leads to one month. The prayer needs to be that in time those left behinds will heal and stop questioning WHY.

Out Of It

During our trip to Bristol, TN for the Nascar race I suffered from neck pain. I've had this before but Tylenol didn't help. I was also nausiated from the pain. I've been hurting off and on now for about 5 months, but up until now I hadn't been nausiated (if I am going to be nausiated I should be that way becuase I had too much to drink).

The Monday we got back I made an appt. with Dr. Sylvia. After x-rays it was determined that I have a bone spur between vertebra #5 & #6. I got a little nervous when the first x-ray tech asked if I had injured my neck and when the second tech asked the same questions I really began worrying. Dr. Sylvia come and got me and let me look at the x-ray and sure enough between the vertebra there is a bone spur (calcium)deposit. By where it is located at I can have pain anywhere between my shoulder blades (feels like a pinched nerve) all the way up to the base of my skull (pain makes me feel like I have a blood pressure headache when my blood pressure isn't up). She prescribed me a muscle relaxer, steriod pack (you are allowed 3 steriod shots in a 1 year time period and this would be #3) and physical therapy.

I took the steriod pack and it has not relieved any pain and of course the muscle relaxer works but it makes me drowsy, so therefore I rarely take it. On August 29 I started physical therapy. After the first visit the therapist stated that it was going to be more of a project. We have to loosen up the muscles in the back and neck and then we can work on improving my posture & strengthening my neck.

After the first visit I hurt so bad that it was tough for me to bowl (yes I did get the okay to bowl). Therapy has its good days and its bad. When I went to therapy this Wednesday I came in hurting and finally today it has stopped. Again, I don't mind dealing with the pain but when I am sick to my stomach that is a whole nother story. I go again tomorrow and then M, W, F of next week. During all of the therapy my pain has not really gone away. I have better days then some but most of the days I have some type of pain whether it be in my shoulder blades or at the base of my skull. If I am still having pain on Monday I think I am going to go ahead and get my last steriod shot for a while.

Once therapy is through I am going to do 1 month of home therapy. After that if I am still in pain I am going to have Dr. Sylvia set up and MRI. The x-ray is good but you are looking 2 dimensional at a 3 dimensional item. I can bowl but the end of September my travel league bowled 6 games and by the end of the third game I was hurting. I know the only way to get rid of the bone spur is surgery, which I am really not wanting to have, but I now have to decide how much of this dull, pinching, headaching pain can I stand.

Last night I took a muscle relaxer and today at 12:00 I am still groggy. I KNOW I can't live much longer with that.